Life is precious

My family received sad news this weekend that the daughter of my wife's cousin killed herself this week.

She was married, but no kids; in her mid 40s; and we did know her, though she lived in California. We don't have too many details on the suicide, but the one detail we'll never really get is why.

There is no good reason for suicide. There really always is hope; you just need faith. But, unfortunately, not everyone has faith -- faith in God.

While Debbie is gone in a selfish act, the pain for her husband, her mom and dad, brother and other family and friends remains. While time will soothe the pain, I wonder if it will ever truly heal it. Maybe for my wife and her family (and me), but not really. We'll still have a sad feeling in our hearts for the life that Debbie took. And, for her more immediate family, I can't imagine what they have, are and will go through. I can only pray for them and offer whatever words and actions may try to console them.

I say life is precious because, while Debbie took hers, I read this weekend of a woman who doesn't want to lose her life.*

The 61-year-old was given four to six months to live when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in October. She battled cancer before and beat it. This time, she was told it was terminal.

“I am blessed and I feel blessed for every day that I have with family and friends … and sometimes I am mad. I beat it. Why do I have to do it again? Is this the way it is going to end? It is hard when you are told four to six months. You don’t know when it is going to happen.”

Later in the story:

Since her diagnosis, Beverly has planned her funeral, thankful for the time to say goodbye. She has selected photos, chosen music and decided what she will wear at her funeral. She’s bought (her husband) Rick a gift for his January birthday, which she hopes to give to him in person, and she has her grandson’s graduation gift ready for March. Her goal is to make it to her 62nd birthday in April.

“I have had a good life and I am blessed for every single minute that I have had. I am really, truly blessed. Sometimes I don’t think this is fair and I get mad and everything, and then I turn around the next minute and all of my blessings show through.”

Life is so very precious.

Debbie had hers but took it away.

Beverly wants hers, but will lose it.

Be sure you cherish your life, and love those around you.

-Michael

*Beverly and her husband, both retired, do not have health insurance, survivor benefits, and face funeral expenses. If you wish to help and/or are in Northwest Ohio, there is a fundraising benefit for Beverly (also noted in the story):

Fundraising benefit from 1 to 5 p.m. Dec. 21 at K.D. Alexander’s Beauty and Relaxation, 7015 Lighthouse Way, Suite 2, Perrysburg. Services available will include chair massages, mini facials, brow wax, hairstyling and haircuts. All donations will go toward Beverly Kanthak’s medical bills and expenses. A 50-50 raffle and silent auction for gift baskets will also take place. To make a donation, call (419) 277-4329.

Everything I needed to know for public relations, I learned being a parent*

(NOTE: This is a cross-blog post initially published on my mainly professional-focused blog. Since the topic deals with parenting -- and the lessons learned -- I thought it'd be worthy to post here.)

*First, if you are reading into the headline that I or PR communicators should treat their target audiences like children, you're reading too much into the headline, taking it literally or trying to start something. That's not the point of this post. If you still believe it is, please leave. Otherwise, I would most appreciate it if you continued reading and left your $0.02 with a comment.

During some email back and forth a couple weeks ago with Ann Handley regarding a comment I left on her blog, I was reminded how much my children teach me. Then it hit me -- that much of what I've learned being a parent is very relevant to public relations and marketing communications.

Each child is different, so you can't parent them each the same way. Different temperaments, different personalities, different abilities, different ways they react to me (and my wife. From here on out, whenever I say me, I mean us).

The same goes with the audiences we are trying to market and communicate to. Each person is unique and reacts in different ways for what "works" for reaching him or her with the message. At the same time, there are generalities we use in parenting our children. We can't say the same thing four different ways. The same goes for communicating to our audiences. For example, look at reporters at a particular media outlet. There might be a company-wide policy or preference for receiving news, or for when you can contact them.

Be patient because each has his/her own time table. You never really know when something that you've been telling or trying to teach your children will finally click and sink in. Or, when you tell one to do something -- clean up, for example -- he or she will do it, but do it his or her own way. If you don't have a set time table yourself, that's fine in most cases.

The same goes for pitching a story. It may be a great story, but the timing for that particular reporter may not be right. You may get a call from that reporter a week or couple months later -- because the story was good, but he/she couldn't for whatever reason act on it then. That's also why you need to constantly remind your audience of your client or your employer with marketing messages -- because the audience may not need your product or service now -- but will in three months. Best to be top of mind.

You need to know and be involved in your children's lives. Yes, that may be an obvious one, but it's easy to be more of the care-giver -- looking after their basic needs -- than being a parent and playing with your children. My wife and I have a nearly nine-month-old daughter. While I love her as much as the others, I look forward to the time when she is less dependant on me (when we can communicate better, when she can easily sit up on her own, etc.). While the baby stage is great, it also is great when we can interact more. And, when I need to be less of a care-giver of my daughter and I can spend fun, quality and more quantity time with all my children.

The same point goes for our audience: Essentially, you need to know your audience; not just market or spew forth messages to them. Research, read, contact and even interact with your audience. Know what they like and dislike, their preferences. That's one of the great advantages of social media: market feedback and interaction.

Yes, really knowing your audience is not easy, but you'll have a much higher rate of success than the proverbial throwing a lot of mud on the wall and seeing what sticks. Besides, how else can you do point #1 above if you don't know your audience?

The basics: You need to want to be a parent, or at least be open to it and take it for the important responsibility it is. There's been enough times when I've heard about, seen or read about people who really should not be parents. More often than not, they're too selfish. I have felt sorry for their children, and hoped that God would particuarly watch over them. For the vast majority of people who are parents, even if they didn't at first want to be, they were responsible enough to know and take on the sacrifices and life re-focusing that's often required to raise children.

As with public relations and any profession, you need the basics. You need to know stuff like good writing (grammar, how different tactics call for different writing styles, etc.), have a solid work ethic, be honest and ethical, have a natural curiosity for your clients' businesses (and definitely your employer's business!), and have a sincere interest in others.

After all this, please don't think I'm elevating the role of PR and marketing communications to that of parenthood. Being a parent is by far one of the most important things I've ever have and ever will do in my life. That's why, I'm looking at parenting and seeing what I can apply from it to my job -- not the other way around.

-Michael

Learning from our children

As parents, one of our responsibilities is teaching our children. Imparting our life's lessons and knowledge onto them.

While that's true, we should not be blind to the lessons they can -- and do -- teach us.

My youngest son (age 6+) and I were playing Tuesday evening, and he "invented" a new game. The game was throwing Whiffle Balls into a plastic basket (kind of looks like a small, round clothes basket, but with a handle) from a few feet away. The object of course, was to see who could throw the most balls in during our respective turns.

After the first rounds, neither one could keep a ball in the basket -- they'd hit inside, but bounce off and out.

Plastic on plastic can make for a too-bouncy of a game.

So, my thought to try to resolve the problem was for us to throw lighter. Don't toss them too high so they bounce out; just a gentle toss.

WRONG!

While I was coming up with my own solution, my son wondered away a bit and gathered some of the fresh grass clippings and laid them at the bottom of the basket.

Problem solved!

No longer were the balls bouncing out. They landed softly (at least the ones that made it into the basket) and stayed.

So, he taught me a lesson.

To solve a problem, sometimes you have to change the situation rather than change your approach.
-- Michael

Children pay for parents' stupidity

My heart definitely goes out to the family and friends of Madeleine McCann, the four-year-old British girl supposedly abducted from a Portugal resort. Hoping with all my hope that she is alive, I can't imagine what she may be going through.

It definitely breaks my heart.

And what outrages me nearly as much is how that little girl is paying the price for the STUPIDITY of her parents, Gerry and Kate McCann.

Madeleine McCann disappeared May 3 when her parents left her and her 2-year-old twin siblings alone in their hotel room while they went to a restaurant in their hotel complex in Praia da Luz, a resort town in Portugal's Algarve region.

(Above, taken from a story about the McCann's meeting with Pope Benedict XVI.)

I know the story is not new, but I've yet to see any many (any?) comments about the careless way the McCanns treated their children. From an earlier story, I read that, while at the restaurant, the McCanns checked on their children "every half hour or so."

Only by God's grace did the other two children remain safe.

Yes, no parent is perfect -- including me -- but YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN ALONE WHEN YOU ARE NOT HOME OR IN SOME UNFAMILIAR PLACE.

Isn't that just common sense?

Not for the McCanns.

And, unfortunately, their daughter Madeleine is paying the price of their stupidity.

-- Michael
(the father of three children eight and under, with my wife expecting #4 in July)

P.S. For a thought-provoking and well-worth-the-read commentary, please see Dani Garavelli's story in the Scotsman.

Do you know that they know if you are watching?

As parents involved in our childrens' lives, we know that we need to be there at their activites and events. Attending. Watching. Listening.

One additional thing I've learned is that, not only do we have to be there, but we have to be sure our children see us watching them.

For example, during the various lessons and other activities my kids have been involved in at the local YMCA, I'm watching them swim, learn gymnastics, climb the rock wall. I've also seen them turn and look at me after they've completed a teacher's task or other accomplishment.

They are checking to see if I'm watching.

And, I am (at least most every time).

I cringe when I see parents attending, for example, swim lessons, and bring a magazine to read while at the pool or constantly checking their Blackberry or similar device. Really, they might as well not be there.

Because they are really missing out on watching their children learn, grow, achieve -- and check to see if they are watching.

-- Michael

A lesson only a dad can really teach

During the weekend, after one trip to a public restroom with my youngest (5yo) son, I reminded him what that slot in the front of his underwear is used for.

Typically, when he pees, he simply pulls down his pants and underwear -- exposing his rear to the rest of any restroom users. So, being a good dad, I stand behind him, facing out, to give him some privacy and keep his rear as unexposed as possible.

This morning while I was shaving, my son came into the bathroom to do his own business at the toilet. He proudly said that Tuesday while at school, he went to the potty, pulled down his pants as usual -- but kept his underwear up and stood there doing his business using that slot (door?) in his underwear as it's supposed to be used.

I am such a proud dad!